Are You a Helper??

helper

Are you a helper?? You know what I mean right? You are the one that is always there for those in need. You selflessly give your time and energy to your family, your friends or anyone you see in need! That’s a good thing right? Helping can help us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel needed, wanted, loved. While all these things are true, and I often tell people the best way to feel better about your problems is to go help someone, just being a helper is not always a good thing.

Recently it seems I keep encountering (mainly women) who are such great helpers, that they can’t seem to stop to let people help them, even when they really need it. I’m here to tell you, it is OKAY to let others help you, even if you are a helper. As a reformed “helper only” I learned this lesson a long time ago from a good friend. You see, I too never wanted to let anyone help me. It didn’t matter if I was sick, overwhelmed, or just plain needed something. I was the fixer, the helper, the “needed one!” My friend asked me this question one day. “Do you know how good you feel helping others?” “Yes,” I replied, wondering just what she was getting at. “Well, she said. Every time you DON’T let someone help you, you are robbing them of the joy of the feeling of helping others.” Hmmm…wow. Now that was something to ponder. Over the years I have gotten a lot better at it. I can admit when I’m in over my head and I need help. It is not a weakness to need help!

As a mental health therapist I am coming across this a lot. People with debilitating illnesses that feel guilty that they have to ask their families for help. People who will just shut down and suffer because they don’t feel they have the right to ask for help. They are helpers, not helpless, which is how a lot of people feel when they have to ask for help. So I would like you to ponder on this. Are you only a helper? Or do you also let people have the joy of helping you? By all means, being helpful is a wonderful thing, but it is equally as important to let people help you when you need it with no strings attached! People help out of love. Don’t forget that sometimes you just need to let others do the loving!

Have a great weekend!

Julie

The Joys of Raising Teenagers!

What I've learnedHello Readers!

As most of you probably know I am a mental health therapist. I see a variety of clients, including the “dreaded teenager.” Now I have a degree on the wall that says I’m qualified to counsel a lot of people, but I can tell you what I really know is from raising 4 children of  my own! My 12 year old twins grandchildren are helping to keep me current!  Before we go anywhere here let me tell you…you WILL survive! If I did it you can do it!!! Come on, lets all say it together!! YES WE CAN!!!

I met with 4 different teenagers today. One looked at her mother like she was the stupidest creature on earth! One dared tell her mom that she didn’t have to follow ANY of their rules and would do what she wanted (mom took it rather well I think, child was able to walk out of the room!). One told me she knew she had an attitude but most times couldn’t control it. One “didn’t like her mom’s tone of voice!!” Now as the mother of 4 GROWN children I can laugh at some of this behavior, because I know there is an end. I know that its hard, but teenagers are a LOT like toddlers, they need rules and consistency. If my children were to read this they would laugh and say I was the worst disciplinarian! Seriously, I was on a first name basis with the assistant principle who called me almost every day regarding my son. Looking back…I probably should have controlled him!! Yeah, and I can  nail jello to a tree too!!! With my oldest I used to say she had PMS, DMS, and AMS (pre, during and after!! We couldn’t catch a break). Now some of the little darlings sail through without a problem, but face it…most teens kind of turn into evil creatures between the ages of 13 and 18!! Like I said…the good news is, if you can hang in there, you get your little babies back and they grow up and give you wonderful grandchildren that you can spoil and send back home!!

I want to share this list of quotes I found. I found them quite entertaining.

#10
Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young. -Unknown

#9
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. -Laurence J. Peter

#8
Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years. -Unknown

#7
You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going. -Unknown

#6
Adolescence is a new birth, for the higher and more completely human traits are now born. -G. Stanley Hall

#5
If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance. – Al Bernstein

#4
I tell my child, if I seem obsessed to always know where you’ve been, it is because my DNA will be found at the scene. – Robert Brault

#3
Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers. -William Galvin

#2
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. -Unknown

Finally, in honor of the upcoming prom season, here’s a quote to make you nervous:

#1
Chaperons don’t enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. -Judith Martin

Hope you enjoyed a little teen humor! Hang in there parents! You can do this…remember….you aren’t alone!!

Peace,

Julie

 

I Will Inspire

inspire someoneI wanted to share a little God moment with you all. You all know that I am a mental health therapist. Very often it is NOT a happy job. Sometimes I know how Jesus must feel as people lay their burdens on me and look to me for hope to “fix” things. As much as I want to make everything all better, a lot of times it just isn’t possible. There are so many times that I question whether I really want to be doing this job, and maybe there would be a “happier” job out there somewhere!

For the first time, (after years of talking about it) I attended the 11:00 Christmas Eve service. It was a small intimate service and the pastor asked if there were any prayer requests. I asked for prayers for the last client I had seen the night before. His life is very dark, he feels very hopeless and at times I fear he will try and end it. One of the burdens of my job. One of the reasons I often think about a happier job. After the requests we bowed our heads in prayer and when I bowed I saw the words on the necklace I had just received a few hours before from my daughter Sarah. It said, “I Will Inspire.” I had to smile, because there again was God telling me I was doing the right thing and I was in the job I was meant to be. I shouldn’t have been surprised…He does that to me quite often. So again I am filled with determination and will set out to bring light where I can, and to continue to inspire! I encourage you to find someone you can help bring the light of Christ to and to be the inspiration someone needs to come out of the darkness.

Peace,

Julie