Are You a Helper??


Are you a helper?? You know what I mean right? You are the one that is always there for those in need. You selflessly give your time and energy to your family, your friends or anyone you see in need! That’s a good thing right? Helping can help us feel good about ourselves. It makes us feel needed, wanted, loved. While all these things are true, and I often tell people the best way to feel better about your problems is to go help someone, just being a helper is not always a good thing.

Recently it seems I keep encountering (mainly women) who are such great helpers, that they can’t seem to stop to let people help them, even when they really need it. I’m here to tell you, it is OKAY to let others help you, even if you are a helper. As a reformed “helper only” I learned this lesson a long time ago from a good friend. You see, I too never wanted to let anyone help me. It didn’t matter if I was sick, overwhelmed, or just plain needed something. I was the fixer, the helper, the “needed one!” My friend asked me this question one day. “Do you know how good you feel helping others?” “Yes,” I replied, wondering just what she was getting at. “Well, she said. Every time you DON’T let someone help you, you are robbing them of the joy of the feeling of helping others.” Hmmm…wow. Now that was something to ponder. Over the years I have gotten a lot better at it. I can admit when I’m in over my head and I need help. It is not a weakness to need help!

As a mental health therapist I am coming across this a lot. People with debilitating illnesses that feel guilty that they have to ask their families for help. People who will just shut down and suffer because they don’t feel they have the right to ask for help. They are helpers, not helpless, which is how a lot of people feel when they have to ask for help. So I would like you to ponder on this. Are you only a helper? Or do you also let people have the joy of helping you? By all means, being helpful is a wonderful thing, but it is equally as important to let people help you when you need it with no strings attached! People help out of love. Don’t forget that sometimes you just need to let others do the loving!

Have a great weekend!