The Other Side of Grief

Grief…it’s not really a very pretty word. We see it, read it, and we know it means something bad has happened. People don’t realize it, but we can grieve for many things. The loss of a loved one, a job, a house, a friend moving, a break up, a divorce. Grief has many faces. Recently though, I have come face to face with the reality of death. I lost a very good friend before Christmas, and two beloved uncles shortly after.My uncles were older and had lived a good life. My friend Anthony was only 42 and had so much yet he needed to do. Alas, that was not God’s plan. As a therapist, I knew how this process works. What I learned, is that when you are in the middle of such deep grief, that none of any of it makes any sense. So  I sought out things to help comfort myself and my friend’s mom, as losing a child is one of those heartbreaks that  one can never heal from. I would like to share with you a few of the inspiring things I found. For grief, as hard as it is in the beginning, will lessen. It takes time. Sometimes lots of time. As humans, we don’t often like to let time take time. We all grieve differently. How each person chooses to grieve  is up to them. The important thing is that you have to go through it. I always tell clients, you can’t go over it, you can’t go under it and you can’t go around it. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it. And always remember to give time, time.

Here are a few inspiring quotes I found.

There is another side of Grief

Where the tears still flow

Not as often

Where memories bring smiles

Not just sadness

Where blessings are recognized

Not just struggles

Where joy and peace are present

Not just sorrow

Where you are remembered

Not just mourned

                 ………………The Grieftoolbox.com

The reality is that you will grieve forever.

You will not “get over” the loss of a loved one.

You will learn to live with it.

You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.

You will be whole again but, you will never be the same.

Not should you be the same, nor would you want to.

                                                                                    …………….. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler

“Those we love don’t go away,

They walk beside us every day,

Unseen, unheard, but always near,

Still loved, still missed and very dear,

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

…………From a headstone in Ireland

To my dearest family, some things I’d like to say.
But first of all, to let you know, I arrived okay.
I’m writing this from Heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here there’s no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight.
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon, and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said,
“I welcome you. It’s good to have you back again,
You were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
I need you here badly, you’re part of my plan.
There’s so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man.”
God gave me a list of things, that He wished for me to do.
And foremost on that list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day’s chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you…in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years,
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, if it were not for the rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
If I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over,
I’m closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb,
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too;
That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who’s in sorrow and in pain;
Then you can say to God at night…”My day was not in vain.”
And now I am contented…that my life was worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;
Just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind;
I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it’s time for you to go…from that body to be free,
Remember you’re not going….you’re coming here to me.

…………………..Author Unknown

and finally a quote I had sent Anthony 5 days before he died. He was having a rough day. I’ve had a few of them myself lately.

Having a rough day?

Place your hand on your heart.

Feel that?

That’s called purpose

You’re alive for a reason!!

Don’t give up.

If you are suffering loss, and a know that I have friends and family who are. I hope this brings you a little comfort, and some hope that this won’t hurt quite so bad as time goes on.

In Loving Memory of Anthony

Anthony

May the Peace of God go With you

Julie

Comments

  1. Pamela Kavka says:

    Julie, I’m sorry you lost your dear friend. Grief can be a weird thing; sometimes you don’t even know that what you are feeling is grief. It is almost always attributed to death, but you are right–we grieve so many things. Time. It is almost cliché. “Give it time; over time it will get easier; take some time…” But when grieving, time is your friend, holding your hand tight. Take care.